Monday, May 2, 2011

Bug of Death - A Short Story

The following is a short story I've written about a recent incident in our home. It is a soaring tale of honor, villainy and the largest insect I've every seen in my life. It's pretty long, so if you want to read it (and I highly suggest you do!), it'll be after the jump. Here's a picture to whet your appetite!

It was a cloudy afternoon, and I was snuggled safely (or so I thought) in my home, when I heard the sound of despair in my house. I thought it odd that such a noise should occur inside my house, so naturally I investigated. I am ashamed to say I screamed like a little girl when I saw what the source of the noise was.

I didn't dare venture further to investigate, lest my arm be taken in the attempt. The size of the monster was nothing compared to that of the trees themselves! I'm sure the stinger was twelve miles long and would kill me instantly if I were to be so careless.

I told this horrible creature that it was no longer welcome in my home (not to its face of course. I'm not an idiot. It could take me down) and called in the cavalry for reinforcements. Typically, my husband said he couldn't rush home on account of a little bug and that I just needed to wait. I tried to impress on him true terror of the monstrosity that plagued our home, but failing to grasp the situation fully, he decided the winged horseman of the apocalypse inside our home could wait.

Truman had indicated some initial interest in the vermin, but quickly learned that distance would be crucial to maintaining one's appendages. The both of us cowered in other rooms and waited until my brave knight could get home. Oh, the minutes seemed to creep by, putting a snail’s pace to shame. All the while, I cowered in fear at every little creak, jumping at every little noise. It was if time itself stood stark still.

But lo! My rescuer did appear. The darkness that had settled in our hearts seemed to lift and I knew all would be well. I pointed the way to the demon's lair, sent a quick prayer to the heavens for his safety and ran away. I hid myself in a defensible position where I could hear the commotion, but swiftly escape if needs be.

When finally my knight's eyes did gaze upon the terrible visage of the savage, he uttered a heroic and courageous, "Oh, wow." With only a moment's hesitation, he leaped to the kitchen to equip himself for the deed of dispatching the fiend. Valiantly he chose and went again unto the battlefield, armed with his trustworthy cup and stiff letter.

Patiently (and wisely), he observed the brute's patterns; he watched with the wisdom of time and experience. He waited for his moment to spring into action and capture the barbarian once and for all. The villain, however, took advantage of my knight’s seemingly lax defense and gained a considerable advantage by moving to higher ground. With the aim to lift my spirits, my knight called out, saying things like, “I can’t see it anymore,” and, “I don’t know where it is.” I screamed with “delight” and ran away to my area of safety.

Finally, after squaring off for what seemed an eternity, a cry of triumph left my brave knight’s lips. “I’ve got it. Come look at it!” he cried. Trembling, I left the safety of my hiding place and slowly crept closer to the defeated insect. My knight had it trapped against a curtain, but the foul flyer was not giving in easily. It waved its arms at us, in a style akin to the ancient art of foot boxing, trying its best to intimidate and subdue us. My knight never relented.

                I quickly took some photographs, to prove my story was true to any unbelievers and allowed my husband to dispatch the insect fully. But instead of giving the intruder what was coming to him, he showed mercy and allowed it to fly away from our house, a free agent.

                I’ve kept a vigilant eye on all horizons, watching for the return of the colossus. But we have seen neither hide nor hair of him, and I pray I never will. Thank your lucky stars that you have not received a visitation from… the Bug of Death!


  1. hahaha you are amazing! can't wait to see you SO soon!

  2. I thought this was very funny especially the part about matthew being a knight/hero. miss you!

  3. Too funny. We still have no clue how the beast got in the house. A creature that size doesn't just sneak in w/o you hearing it.


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